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 Joke of the day again

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Amulet

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PostSubject: Re: Joke of the day again   Mon Feb 01, 2010 12:56 pm

They don't do cocktails at the G&P! Although presumably, if this is the new dress code, they will have to start!
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VictorMildew

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PostSubject: Re: Joke of the day again   Mon Feb 01, 2010 1:45 pm

Is that really the new barmaid - she looks like she would pull more than just pints! At my age though the shock of it would probably kill her. I'm (oh I'd better not say as it may be a security question) years old you know.
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Dave Larkhall

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PostSubject: Re: Joke of the day again   Mon Feb 01, 2010 6:18 pm

Cherie Blair is touring the countryside in a chauffeur-driven car.
Suddenly, a cow jumps out into the road, they hit it full on and the car comes to a stop.
Cherie, in her usual charming manner, says to the chauffeur: 'You get out and check - you were driving.. '
The chauffeur gets out, checks and reports that the animal is dead.
"You were driving; go and tell the farmer, ' says Cherie.
Five hours later, the chauffeur returns totally plastered, hair ruffled, with a big grin on his face.
"My G0d, what happened to you?' asks Cherie. The chauffeur replies: "When I got there, the farmer opened his best bottle of malt whisky, the wife gave me a slap-up meal and the daughter made love to me."
"What on earth did you say?" asks Cherie.
"I knocked on the door, and when it was answered, I said to them:"
"I'm Cherie Blair's chauffeur and I've just killed the cow!"
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Amulet

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PostSubject: Re: Joke of the day again   Wed Feb 03, 2010 10:51 am

That's a great joke, Dave, but I think VM is protesting too much!
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The-duke66

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PostSubject: Re: Joke of the day again   Wed Feb 03, 2010 8:45 pm

Nice one Dave!! Laughing
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Amulet

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PostSubject: Re: Joke of the day again   Wed Feb 03, 2010 8:56 pm

The-duke66 wrote:
Nice one Dave!! Laughing

Are you stuck on repeat Duke?
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Dave Larkhall

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PostSubject: Re: Joke of the day again   Wed Feb 03, 2010 10:49 pm

BRIDGEWATER FACTS

1. What does a Bridgewater girl use as protection during sex?
Ans......A bus shelter.

2. What do you call a thirty year old Bridgewater girl?
Ans......Nan.

3. What do you call a Bridgewater girl in a white track suit?
Ans....The bride.

4. Wot's the first question on a quiz night in Bridgewater?
Ans....."Wot you lookin' at?"

5. Two lads in a car in Bridgewater with no music. Who's driving?
Ans.....The police.

6. Wot's the most confusing day in Bridgewater?
Ans.......Fathers day.
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The-duke66

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PostSubject: Re: Joke of the day again   Thu Feb 04, 2010 8:13 am

Amulet wrote:
The-duke66 wrote:
Nice one Dave!! Laughing

Are you stuck on repeat Duke?

Nice one Dave, O i mean Am. Rolling Eyes
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TheCat
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PostSubject: Re: Joke of the day again   Sun Feb 07, 2010 4:04 pm

Two Asian heroin addicts have injected themselves with curry powder by mistake - both are in intensive care......

One has a dodgy tikka and the other one is in a korma.

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TheCat
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PostSubject: Re: Joke of the day again   Sun Feb 07, 2010 4:05 pm

I had a mate who was suicidal. He was really depressed, so I pushed him in front of a steam train. He was chuffed to bits.

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TheCat
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PostSubject: Re: Joke of the day again   Sun Feb 07, 2010 4:05 pm

A woman brings eight-year-old Johnny home and tells his mother that he was caught playing doctors and nurses with Mary, her eight-year* *old daughter.

Johnny's mother says, "Let's not be too harsh on them.... they are bound to be curious about Sex at that age."

"Curious about Sex?" replies Mary's mother. "He's taken her appendix out!"

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TheCat
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PostSubject: Re: Joke of the day again   Sun Feb 07, 2010 4:05 pm

I was reading in the paper today about this dwarf that got pick pocketed.

How could anyone stoop so low?

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Amulet

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PostSubject: Re: Joke of the day again   Sun Feb 07, 2010 5:31 pm

Are you alright, Cat? You must be exhausted after posting all of that.

Dave, you'll be in trouble as it's spelt Bridgwater. The rest of it is all correct.
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Dave Larkhall

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PostSubject: Re: Joke of the day again   Sun Feb 07, 2010 6:52 pm

Nice spot Am, clever clogs wot teeches Inglish.

Wen I went to scoole we had a choice, futball or speling. Gess wot i took?
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PostSubject: Re: Joke of the day again   Mon Feb 08, 2010 7:21 pm

Two Crocodiles were sitting at the side of The Thames near The House Of Commons in Central London .

The smaller one turned to the bigger one and said, 'I can't understand how you can be so much bigger than me.. We're the same age, we were the same size as kids. I just don't get it.'

'Well,' said the big Croc, 'what have you been eating?'

'Politicians, same as you,' replied the small Croc.

'Hmm. Well, where do you catch them?'

'Down the other side of the river near the parking lot by Parliament House.'

'Same here. Hmm....How do you catch them?'

'Well, I crawl up under one of their Lexus cars and wait for one to unlock the car door. Then I jump out, grab them by the leg, shake the shit out of them and eat 'em!'

'Ah!' says the big Crocodile, 'I think I see your problem. You're not getting any real nourishment. See, by the time you finish shaking the shit out of a Politician, there's nothing left but an arsehole and a briefcase.'
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