Joke of the day again

A blonde is walking down the street with her blouse open and her right breast hanging out. A policeman approaches her and says, "Madam, are you aware that I could book you for indecent exposure?"

She says, "Why, officer?"

The officer replies, "Because your breast is hanging out."

"OH MY g od!" she says. "I left the baby on the bus again!"

A man and a woman are sitting next to each other at a bar getting drunk. The man turns to the woman and asks her why she's so down.

"My husband just left me. He said I'm too kinky in bed," she said.

"What a coincidence! My wife just left me," said the man. "She told me that I was too kinky for her, too!"

The two talk a little while longer, and finding that they have so much in common they decide to go back to the woman's house to have kinky sex. When they get to the woman's house she turns to the man and says, "Give me ten minutes, I want to slip into something more comfortable."

She goes into the bathroom and changes into a full leather dominatrix outfit. However, as she is coming out of her bathroom, the man is putting on his coat and walking out the door.

"What happened?" she said. "I thought you wanted to have kinky sex?"

He looks at her and says, "Well, I just screwed your dog and shit in your purse. I'm done."

An old Pilot sat down at the Starbucks and ordered a cup of coffee.

As he sat sipping his coffee, a young woman sat down next to him..

She turned to the pilot and asked, 'Are you a real pilot?'

He replied, 'Well, I've spent my whole life flying biplanes, Cubs, Aeronca's, Neiuports, flew in WWII in a B-29, and later in the Korean conflict, taught 50 people to fly and gave rides to hundreds, so I guess I am a pilot.'

She said, 'I'm a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about naked women. As soon as I get up in the morning, I think about naked women. When I shower, I think about naked women. When I watch TV, I think about naked women. It seems everything makes me think of naked women.'

The two sat sipping in silence.

A little while later, a young man sat down on the other side of the old pilot and asked, 'Are you a real pilot?'

He replied, 'I always thought I was, but I just found out I'm a lesbian.'

i've just split up with my cross eyed girlfriend,

i think she was seeing someone else

LoL. I bet you good in a scrum

She could have been a hooker Luci.

my girlfriend has left me, after catching me shaging a dolphin,
sod her,
plenty more fish in the sea

How do you shag a Dolphin RB? Did you have your snokle erect to catch the air?

no you take it out for a meal first!

I suppose you have to be canned before you can shag a Sardine.

that would cost a couple of squid!

You could Skate and have sex at the same.

A mother came into her son's room and found him being suck off by a fish. She ask him what had there.He said it was his sucking codpiece.

Just a tip for those of you going camping in the summer,
when the girl in the next tent say's "its so hot she will be sleeping with her flaps open",
that is not an invite for casual sex, my case comes up next week

I asked a mate of mine. "If I caught you with green knees and a condom stuck out of yer arse, would you talk about it in the pub?"

"Of course not" he replied.

"Wanna come camping next Sunday?" I asked.

Blonde and Genie

A blonde, a brunette and a redhead were stuck on an island for many, many years until one day they found a magic lamp. They rubbed it hard and out popped a genie. He said that he could only give three wishes so since there were three girls, each would get one wish. The redhead went first. 'I hate it here. It is too hot and boring. I want to go home!' 'Okay,' replied the genie. And off she went. Then the brunette went. 'I miss my family, my friends and relatives. I want to go home, too!!' And off she went. The blonde started crying and said, 'I wish my friends were back here!'

boo hoo i can't see what you are posting just a red x........and thats my job!

Oh that is really rubbish. I can see them, so I assumed you could too.

Did you know that a homosexual duck-billed platypus is known as a plat-billed duckypuss?

Subject: What's For Dinner?


A group of 40-year-old buddies discuss where they should meet for dinner.

Finally it is agreed upon that they should meet at the Gasthof zum Lowen restaurant because the waitresses there have low cut blouses and nice breasts.

10 years later, at 50 years of age, the group meets again and once again they discuss where they should meet. Finally it is agreed that they should meet at the Gasthof zum Lowen because the food there is very good and the wine selection is good also.

10 years later at 60 years of age, the group meets again and once again they discuss where they should meet. Finally it is agreed that they should meet at the Gasthof zum Lowen because they can eat there in peace and quiet and the restaurant is smoke free.

10 years later, at 70 years of age, the group meets again and once again they discuss where they should meet. Finally it is agreed that they should meet at the Gasthof zum Lowen because the restaurant is wheel chair accessible and they even have an elevator.

10 years later, at 80 years of age, the group meets again and once again they discuss where they should meet. Finally it is agreed that they should meet at the Gausthof zum Lowen because they have never been there before!

Nice Dave,

REVOLUTION IN THE PLANNING STAGES.

EX-President Bush and EX VP Cheney are sitting in a bar.
A guy walks in and asks the barman, 'Isn't that Bush and Cheney sitting over there?'

The bartender says, 'Yep. That's them.'

So the guy walks over and says, 'Wow, this is a real honor! What are you guys doing in here?'

Bush says, 'We're planning a revolution in the US.'

The guy says, 'Really? What's going to happen?'

Cheney says, 'Well, we're going to kill 40 million Islamists, and one blonde with big tits.'

The guy exclaimed, 'A blonde with big tits?

Why kill a blonde with big tits?'



Cheney turns to Bush and says, 'See, I told you, no one gives a shit about the 40 million Islamists.

They're not as big as I was lead to believe.
Kill her, go on...

Amulet wrote:

They're not as big as I was lead to believe.
Kill her, go on...

You only want her boots.

That's the new barmaid at the George and pilgrims Dave. Ask for a cocktail and she will give it double stir.