The most functional word in the english language

THE MOST FUNCTIONAL ENGLISH WORD...
Well, it's shit... That's right, shit!

Shit may just be the most functional word in the English language.

You can smoke shit, buy shit, sell shit, lose shit, find shit, forget shit,
And tell others to eat shit.


Some people know their shit, while others can't tell the difference
Between shit and shinola.

There are lucky shits, dumb shits, and crazy shits.
There is bull shit, horse shit, and chicken shit.

You can throw shit, sling shit, catch shit,
Shoot the shit, or duck when the shit hits the fan.

You can give a shit or serve shit on a shingle.

You can find yourself in deep shit or be happier than a pig in shit.

Some days are colder than shit, some days are hotter than shit,
And some days are just plain shitty.

Some music sounds like shit, things can look like shit,
And there are times when you feel like shit.

You can have too much shit, not enough shit,
The right shit, the wrong shit or a lot of weird shit.

You can carry shit, have a mountain of shit,
Or find yourself up shit creek without a paddle.

Sometimes your breath smells like shit


Sometimes everything you touch turns to shit
And other times you fall in a bucket of shit
And come out smelling like a rose.

When you stop to consider all the facts,
it's the basic building block of the English language.

And remember, once you know your shit,
You don't need to know anything else!!

You could pass this along, if you give a shit;
Or not do so if you don't give a shit!

Well, Shit, it's time for me to go.

Just wanted you to know that I do give a shit
And hope you had a nice day without a bunch of shit..
But, if you happened to catch a load of shit
From some shit-head...........
Well, Shit Happens!!!

HOPE YOUR SHITTY DAYS ARE FEW AND FAR BETWEEN

That's the trouble with most swearwords, eh Plod? They just aren't offensive enough. That's why I opt for the C word as much as possible. (I would spell it out, but the swear-filter here puts an 'r' into it).

That swear filter is entirely for your benefit Tom

I completely agree BP. I am so pleased that you have joined us over here. So far everything you have said has been insightful and true. I'm worried that you are using up all your brilliance here. I think you might be too good for this forum, where mostly we spend our time talking about blowjobs and calling Tom a dirty wanker. Admittedly it is a tried and tested formula and don't feel that you can't join in!

BTW, it's not been too shitty today, ALTHOUGH the weather really has been. I have filled in more forms than you could shake a shitty stick at and, to be fair, I reckon that Mendip would have appreciated a shitty stick in with my application for housing benefit. It would certainly demonstrate the high regard I have for them, although, on second thoughts, I think I will send that to the council tax dept who can't defer my payments to March 2010 even thought that is when it is due.

"I completely agree BP. I am so pleased that you have joined us over here. So far everything you have said has been insightful and true..." You won't be saying that when you pick up your ticket for 38 MPH on the outskirts of Glastonbury.

Someone I know got a speedig ticket overtaking an unmarked Cop Car in Somerton within last couple of weeks, doing about 60 in a 30 mile limit. He was chuffed to receive an on the spot fine and points.

He's a crazy driver anyway so probably serves him right.

Tom Stephenson wrote:

"I completely agree BP. I am so pleased that you have joined us over here. So far everything you have said has been insightful and true..." You won't be saying that when you pick up your ticket for 38 MPH on the outskirts of Glastonbury.

What on earth makes you think I would be doing something so reckless?

Those little red things sticking out of your head.

Justice wrote:

Someone I know got a speedig ticket overtaking an unmarked Cop Car in Somerton within last couple of weeks, doing about 60 in a 30 mile limit. He was chuffed to receive an on the spot fine and points.

He's a crazy driver anyway so probably serves him right.

by the sounds of it he'd used up his speed awareness options 60 in a 30 is pushing it abit especailly when you're overtaking the PO PO, i love our unmarked car it's such fun

He reckoned he was actually doing over 60mph in a 30 zone, with screwed tyres and no MOT and got 150 quid on the spot fine and 3 points - that doesn't sound likely does it - was he bullshitting me, or were the cops being a bit slack that day?

Tom Stephenson wrote:

Those little red things sticking out of your head.

I'm sure you would be the expert on such things, Tom.